Sunday, May 28, 2017

How becoming a Carer can changed your life ... over night!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a Carer? I hadn't really given it much thought, except when it was Carer's week. One Friday a few months ago, my husband and l went down to see my parents on the South Coast. My mum, who is 88 is an invalid and my dad, who is 87, is her carer! he would never let any of us help him! Suddenly my dad seemed very frail and ill. To cut a long story short .... after seeing the doctor several times, l managed to get him to hospital and there, unfortunately five days later, he died, without opening his eyes or saying another word. Quite distressing for all involve. But l did decided to go and sit with my dad, just after he died. When l was young, my dad and l used to sneak away and eat a bar of plain chocolate, so this is what l did while l sat with him. I put a piece of plain chocolate on his pillow and sat and talk and eat with him, for roughly 45 mins. I never thought l would be able to sit with a dead person but I didn't find it any problem at all.  I could have sat with him a lot longer but was very aware of the need for Dad's bed! I hope the picture of my dad doesn't upset you too much.  


I did some drawings of my dad on the days before he died. My sister thought my drawings were macabre and was quite up set by them. I found that drawing my dad calmed me down. Not quite sure how the subject came up but my mum thought the drawings and the  photo were fantastic. Must admit did not expect her to be quite so interested and excited by them. Here is one of them.


After my dad died, l opened a window to let his soul out. As l did so, these two, large seagulls came and looked in the window, they then proceeded to peck on the window  then flew off. My dad was in the RAF and it seemed like they were saying ... " Right Spike ( my dad's nickname), lets fly". I must admit it did make me smile! 🤗🤗


My mum seemed a virtual invalid, my dad was her official carer!  He did everything for her and l mean everything. So the thought of her being on her own, after 65 years of marriage is terrifying for her. It would be bad enough for an able bodied person ! 
I don't love or like my mum but l couldn't see her suffering. So my husband and l stayed here and did all we could do to help. We are still here almost 3 months later! I seem to be the only one of my family that seems to want to help or is willing too. Families! 
I got Social Services involved and believe me that was hard. My mum has now been in hospital for the last 3 weeks and so l now have the hospital Social Services involved. Life is just not easy. The Hospital cannot let my mum out, unless she can look after herself! She seemed ok and now her Gout is playing up again and she cannot walk. So back to square one again. 
I was and still am finding it hard to cope and so l am seeking help from a Counsellor. But what happens when other Carers don't have an amazing husband like l have ... or ... amazing children. My own family back me and give me so much love. There are so many elderly people now, how are we going to cope?
When l first came down here to try and sort my parents out ... it was hard. I was not sure how to cope with my hate for my mother and fighting for all her requirements. I needed to find a way to manage. I made a comment to my mum about white feathers and Guardian Angels. She looked at me and said "Oh Goody Two Shoes. l suppose you are always finding white feathers"! I said"Yes" and she told me she never found them. I began to find them every day and it become a sort of standing joke with my husband. What could l do with them ... um?  I started to think of Art projects and l am still thinking. So each day l started to collect the feathers l found, stones with holes in them and lastly heart shaped stones, l found on the beach. I also have been taking images each day of things that started to catch my attention, on my daily walks.  I have not been able to put my images up each day because l just have not been in my correct mind. Now l am feeling better and more in control. So l have decided to put these images up anyway, even though they will be out of date and some times sequence. My first image is a white feather found of my first daily walks.

Next, one of the many "Beach" themed gardens on my daily walk!

And lastly I found this on the beach. Part of a bird, l think but what kind ... l have no idea. Interesting though.

I have many more images from day one but the internet here is crap, to say the least. So theseare all you get for today! Sorry. Also l can't get the paragraphs right but am too tired to correct it this evening.