Saturday, October 15, 2011

A sad day.

Not a happy if you are feeling fragile or sad please do not read today's blogxx

On Friday l was at the funeral of our dear friend Sue and although we left the hotel early (for those who know won't be surprised at that news!Hax), we were nearly late. Trust it to be Dustbin collection day!!!! 
We met Sue just after she became David's girlfriend, when we all lived in Dubai.  So we had known Sue for over 25 years. Both of them had the big C and yet David recovered and Sue didn't. Sue was 54 and David is over 70.....Life is a BITCH at times.
When we got to the Crematorium we were greeted by the image below. I have never seen a Cemetery where there were flowers on almost EVERY grave marker . Quite an overwhelming feeling actually.

I know l shouldn't laugh at this image but somehow the plastic milk bottles hanging there just makes me want to giggle!! They look so incongruos just hanging there!
Saw this area from where we parked our car....wasn't sure what it was but thought it might be the children's area and went to have a look.
 I was right and it was so sad to see so many babies and small children's graves. The one that really got me was this next image. I was looking at all the flowers and toys left on the grave and reading all the cards. The cards and flowers were to celebrate his 21st birthday and he died when he was just over a year sad. 

This site/sight made me so sad.
I don't know about you but this sculpture really freakes me out. I think it is her eyes and she also makes me feel guilty for some reason!
There were many solar powered bees, dragonflies and butterflies on the children's graves! Must look a bit errie at night when they are lit up and moving around!
 Cute but sad!
I am going to find this hard to say but feel l have to say it. I feel empathy to the parents who have put all these toys, teddy bears and lights on the grave but part of me feels sorry that it is so cluttered and messy. That sounds awful and l am confused why l feel this way. It is not as if l am a tidy person..l am not! I really don't know why l should feel like this. What do you feel?

This teddybear was so wet and soggy that l wanted to take it home and look after it. Somehow the fact it was there looking so sad and abandoned made it all see even sadder.
 And this one too!

In hindsight l shouldn't have wandered around the area while waiting to go into Sue's funeral. I was already feeling sad before the funeral began. Sue's coffin was made of wicker and was  totally covered in yellow flowers....beautiful. I was ok until we were asked if any of us had yellow flowers to place on the coffin? I was the first to go up and l placed our flowers on the coffin. Then completly unplanned l put my hand on the coffin and said "Goodbye my friend" and went back to my seat in tears. That apparently started everyone else off weeping!!! I actually think it helped alot of people to just let the emotions flow..The English are not good at that. The last image is of the 5 yellow roses from my family from each of us. Sue had actually asked that flowers were to be only yellow and we were not to wear black or suits...jeans were great and lots of colour please. The sun came out and Sue went home in style. 


Emma said...

I love the way you deal with a sad even in your informative 'normal' way. The childrens resting place does look cluttered & abandoned & yet it's not. If a room is kept at home it looks as tho they haven't 'moved on' so I guess this is the place to do it. That angelchild was a little haunting!

Beach House Living said...

I'm am sorry for the loss of your dear friend.

I've never seen so many flowers at once in a cemetery. The little toy by the simple marker is indeed so sad as is the note for what would have been a 21st birthday.

I agree the girl statue isn't pleasant looking.

Interesting all things about. That is not allowed in most here.

lynda Howells said...

Emma..I hear what you say about the toys . Thank you for your lovely words about my blog.
Beach House...there are a lot of vicar's and Crematoriums who are begining to stop people leaving so many "things" , such as toys, balloons, lights and windmills on any grave, child or adult. This is causing a lot of upset in UK.

artymess said...

thats sad ..I'm sorry to hear about your friend ..yes children's graves are full of 'stuff' jim's neice died aged 8 and we recently visited the grave after 2 years and it is the same covered with all sorts of mementos ....butI guess everyone leaves something every time they visit and they all feel it's something that Millie would have liked so i guess it does end up full of disparate objects ......xx

Anonymous said...

I have the same 'thing' about graves becoming shrines filled with toys and other objects. Partly I wonder if it's because we no longer face death every day, as we used to 150 years ago, say. Maybe people have more trouble letting go and moving on. I sometimes think it would be good to bring back the Victorian mourning traditions, where you shut the curtains between a death and the funeral and then wear black for so many months. I think that would help more people grieve productively and then return to their lives more smoothly. Just my opinion. But sad, yes. Always sad to say goodbye to someone who we cared about.

Mary said...

It must have been a tough day for you ,losing a good friend is hard. Now at the risk of upsetting anyone ,I have to agree about the graves.In our area a lot of cemetery's will not allow it and even my elderly aunt was asked to remove a single item from uncles marker stone. Of course I am lucky enough not to have been put in the position of losing a child .

lynda Howells said...

thanks for all your comments. I had hoped you would understand what l was trying to say..and you all didxxthanksxxxIt was a sad day but the next day the family , us and another couple got together to celebrate Sue's was great and l think we put the world to rightxx

Penny said...

I too am sorry for the loss of your friend. I think most cemetaries in this country limit what can be left at the graves. I think that if I were to walk up to a child's grave where a sodden, forgotten teddy bear lay it would make me feel even worse. Around here plastic flowers abound. Peronally I hate them while I'm alive and would really hate to know that sitting above my head for eternity were plastic flowers. *smile*

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Our very good friend died unexpectedly last week and I tried to blog about it but just couldn't. I wish I had been able to. You deal with this very well in your post here.

Where you talk about English people not doing very well expressing emotion -- that was exactly what I was thinking looking at the childrens' cemetery. It didn't look English. I woudn't be surprised to see that in Mexico or the US Southwest as it is a great part of their tradition to place loved ones' ojbects on the graves. Apparently it is spreading and maybe that's OK. There must be an inner need for people to express themselves in this way. (But somebody should pick up when they get wet and soggy, I think).